Gratitude and the Unexpected

Gratitude is something often felt in Hawaii. We often give or receive a lei - and we often exchange other gifts - with just the smallest provocation. For each little gift we share a wonderful sensation that we call gratitude. But imagine the feelings that came to Ray K. Yoshioka of the 1957 class at McKinley High School after his class ring was recently returned to him. Apparently, Ray had lost his ring in 1958 at Ala Moana Beach and that is where Capt. Jim Steff of Hickam Air Force Base found it - in the sand out in about 3 feet of water.

"Wow, what a gift," said Yoshioka. "And on Thanksgiving Day!"

Can you imagine how grateful you would feel for such a gift? Can you imagine how you would feel if someone did something this nice and this unexpected for you?

I keep thinking of gratitude and how difficult it is for some people to have that sensation. If you recall, several people have called the U.S. response to the tsunami disaster as stingy. That phrase has been bounced around in the media ever since as some attempt to "beat up" the current administration for their gifts and aid to the ravaged Indian Ocean area.

Why would any gift be regarded as a "stingy" gift? Since a gift is given freely, one might think that any gift would be appreciated. But as I consider the class ring mentioned above - I see that that what makes people most grateful is not just a gift, but an unexpected gift.

I can remember feeling less than grateful, and almost disappointed, once when I received a Christmas gift. I really had expected something else. So, when the gift came, I compared what I received with what I thought I was going to receive. The difference was disappointing. The gift was still a really nice and thoughtful gift, but because I expected something different I didn't feel gratitude. I am truly sorry that the giver saw that in me.

This is the lesson that we can learn when others call our country's gifts "stingy." Their expectations are for something different - larger perhaps, or more grand.

Should we therefore give less - in order to reduce expectations? Should we make it easier for others to see "unexpected" gifts?

I actually think not. The problem is not with the giver of a gift - but with the recipient (or observer) who comes to expect largesse of a certain degree. Just as I am ashamed of my own feelings of ingratitude, those who do not feel grateful for the freely given gifts of others should cringe.

When those who benefit from the largesse of another are ungrateful - and even betray that benefactor - we see the most heinous side of human nature. Dante characterized this sin as the most vile, reserving it for the ninth circle of hell, the deepest and darkest in the pit. (Canto XXXIV of The Inferno)

For now, I am just glad that the expressions of ingratitude were not mine...

By the way, has anyone seen MY high-school class ring? I lost it about a year after I graduated at the beach in California...